Snow White's Prince(ipals)

The window seat was taken but
I took over
           staring out the window

Lights,
a speckled glowing grid
growing farther away and
wider than the memories I've made
          over the past several months

And the soil changes
from sand to silt
to sludge
           to dirt as red

As the stockings hung on
the absent chimneys
waiting
           to be shimmied down

By the jolly old man
who
knows exactly where
           the key is living

And with that he
unlocks
           the imagination.
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I had been up for approximately 48 hours.  Maybe if didn't go to bed, the next morning would never come and I wouldn't have to leave my "family" I'd come to love, over the past four months.  The people I had seen nearly every day and the places I had frequented and the streets down which I rode (and wondered how I would adjust to riding on the right side again) would all still be there.  Yet I would not. 

And then, after over twelve hours of travel, I hear a voice as familiar, yet haunting, as Will Rogers' himself and I turn around to see my father's face in the body of a fellow traveler.   How did you get though security?  To which he replied, "I never left".  

And so began the next 36 hours of a whirlwind...fast track:  father flew in unexpectedly but expected to be taken care of, sleeping an entire day and waking up thinking that I only slept for mere hours, as the sun slowly set.  I was in Norman, in my own home, in my own bed, but only for mere hours, before heading down to Dallas for the Famidays.

On the first day of Famiday, my mother said to me, Tonight we'll see the faces in the places we will be.

On the second day of Famiday, I said to my mother, It's snowing, can it be??  Come press your nose on the window and see!!!!  

It all happened so fast.  Christmas and family and snow, oh my.  I'm happy to have spent my first week back in Dallas, with family and attempting to settle into a life on which I pressed pause.  Yet it's strange to be back.  It's almost as if I never left.  And then I look at the photos and read back through my journal and look at the faces of my new friends whom I have made over the past short months of my favorite season, which was completely absent and I realize it wasn't the season, but me who was gone.  And now I'm back but gone from the place absent of seasons and I'm almost even more absent-minded.

One door closes and one opens, in the very same building which people use the revolving door.

What will I do now?  Everyone is interested to know, including me.  It is a good time to ask that question, to yourself, as we become just as close to the end as we are to the beginning.

One thing is for sure....do right and do it good, alright?

Procrastination Post

I should be wrapping things up neatly, like a present under the Evergreen Christmas tree, which I've come to see, everywhere I turn, from Church's Chicken, to the neighbor's front porch, to the Peace Corps Office.  My friend, Matt, pondered aloud why Palms weren't decorated instead and I thought to myself that he had a good point.  I have yet to see an Evergreen growing in the trenches.

The trees are as ornate as the businessmen and women who work in Georgetown, and as my days dwindle down to the very end, my to-do list grows infinitely.

When I reflect on my four short months here, in Guyana, I wonder why it snuck up on me so quickly.  I feel sad to be leaving.  I feel like this chapter was too short and it needs some editing, to be longer.  I feel like I wonder what it's like to be told you have a terminal illness and you only have four months to live.  Looking back, feel like I would have made a good patient.  I did a lot of things, contributing to Guyana in many many ways.  I grew a lot as a person.  I made a lot of new friends.  Friends to whom I will give my things away, because I am leaving them and going to another place, far far away.  We both will feel as since of loss and we will both grieve in our own ways.

There are times in our life when we feel like we're back in summer camp.  Peace Corps often feels that way.  You make strong bonds with people you may or may not ever see again, not just in the Peace Corps, but in the country in which you've served.  This time around, though, it reminds me of a combination of Lord of the Flies and Dead Poet's Society.  Even though we are out of our elements, we still manage to make serious and meaningful contributions to the Guyanese society, and make an impact on those whose paths we cross.

When we travel, we not only learn more about the world around us, but we also learn more about ourselves.  We learn more about our friends and family, too.  We learn more about the people with whom we became friends with who remained at home and we learn more about the people who we become friends with, who will remain when we once again, return to those friends whom we've left behind.  Moving to a completely new and unfamiliar place, and integrating into a new community is one of the hardest things for people to do.  But to me, saying goodbye is even harder.

For some reason, this time around, it feels even harder.  I'm not sure if it is because I don't know what lies around the next corner (or in the next chapter), or if it is because I have this gut feeling my work here isn't quite finished.  Whatever the reason is, I am trying to remain positive.  If it were not for all of my friends and family I left behind, who are happily awaiting my return, I know I would be feeling even more sad about leaving.  I am grateful for all the people in my life who have kept in touch, throughout all my traveling.  It gives the hard times a softer landing.  I feel like I have been spoiled here.  There are some people (you know who you are) who have just truly and absolutely gone above and beyond to contribute to my happiness as a PCV in Guyana.  I am so honored and grateful to you all and you are the people who are making it the hardest to say goodbye.  But perhaps it's only so-long-for-now.  At any rate, thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

For now, though, I'll look forward to connecting with friends and family from back home, and enjoying the holidays and maybe even the cold weather.  We shall see about the last one...

Here's to wishing everyone health and happiness, wherever they are in the whole wide world.

The Kindness of Strangers

The Kindness of Strangers

Water vapors coat the airplane's
exterior like cotton
filled inside the winter coat
I have forgotten to know
what it's like to wear; It's rainy
season where
the markets flood in
a matter of flash, the mothers
spread their tarps over their
stands with produce with names like
catahar, caramboa, white tea,
mangos, pineapples and papaya;
produce with names
with expensive tastes once you're
back in North America; yet
all I crave is the crisp and clean
juice of a Red Delicious, until
I'll discover how the Cashew nut
grows and I'll remember and
realize how long before my
meeting with it's mother could
once again be and
I look into the wrinkled eyes and
furrowed brow of the beggar I've
passed at least twenty times yet
all I can do is offer
my sympathetic smile.  But
maybe someday, I could offer
more, I think as
the rain continues to fall and
beat down on the corrugated roof as
loudly and as undeserving as
the children who run bare feet and
buck naked in the puddles so
deep, making it their personal
water park for
simple joy and amusement, until
their mothers shout from a distance
under their corrugated awnings and
tarps, where their fruit also lives as
the rain keeps beating and the mothers
keep shouting and the kids just
keep being kids.

Christmas in July

Seasons greetings from Guyana, the country that does a remarkably good job at suggesting that any moment now, Santa will shimmy down the chimney...except the thought of sitting around a flaming fire simply (and ironically) gives me chills and I can hardly believe it could be winter anywhere in the whole entire world.

Now that I think about it...does anyone even own a chimney in Guyana?  How does Santa deliver presents in the Caribbean, I wonder?  After inquiring, it appears that reindeer and rooftop nursery rhymes never made their way here, so when you wake up, presents just appear under the tree, in the case of one of my co-workers, under the bed.  There isn't the tradition of leaving cookies and milk for Santa, nor carrots for the reindeer, but pictures with Santa and a wish list conversation, can be found at the local grocery store.  Perhaps we can initiate a "Santa and his horse-cart" movement.

Last Friday, the entire work day was dedicated to decorating for the holiday.  Reggae style-Christmas tunes began blaring on the "Mobile Music Units" nearly two months ago, yet the snow-cone man continues to peddle down the street with his mobile icy-treat stand.  Today, at one of the schools, I showed up to offer support to the counselor and discuss alternative methods of parenting, and stumbled upon an impromptu Christmas decorating party.  They were all sitting around making colored paper chains, and hearts and I took the opportunity to introduce to paper snowflake.  I also explained that each and every snowflake took its very own shape and was comprised of a unique molecular make up, just like each and every one of our fingerprints.



Saturday, I attended a World Human Rights Day equality walk, representing Peace Corps.  Me and my fellow PCVs, Tina and Melissa were a tiny representation of our organization, but we walked proud with the Peace Corps Guyana banner.  Interestingly enough, we were instructed to relocate several times for the press photo, and then ended up at the back of the parade.  At one point, I wondered if we were, in fact, inadvertently being discriminated against, but at the end of the day, the gratitude was apparent by many of the participants.  Other organizations represented included, but weren't limited to SASOD and Help and Shelter.

While walking to the walk, Tina and I witnessed yet another car accident.  This time, it was a taxi driver who ran a stop sign, who was hit by the driver who had the right of way.  It was on a residential street, but both cars were going fairly fast (as they do).  In fact, the taxi passed us with such haste, blaring his horn, I wondered what was the hurry. 



Representing Peace Corps Guyana!!



We heard the impact and directed our attention to the wreck, which was when we saw the taxi cab basically crash into a pole, which prevented it from heading into the trench.  As we approached the cars, Tina and I wondered who had the right away.  We didn't see any stop signs, or even any yield signs.  While driving in Guyana, it seemed like people are "just supposed to know" who is right and when to stop/yield.  People are just supposed to know which street runs east and which street runs west, which street runs north and which street runs south.  As I stated in a previous post, they say if you can drive in Guyana, you can drive anywhere in the world.  As a Peace Corps Volunteer, we are not allowed to drive.  But even if we could, I'm not sure I'd want to.  Then again, riding in a mini-bus, proportionately the most affordable method of transportation for a PCV, is an adventure in and of itself...but I digress.

Finally, drivers and passengers emerged from their vehicles, seemingly unscathed.  It was then that other spectators and witnesses began pointing out the completely faded painted "stop" on the pavement running east and west.  I was standing only 100 yards away, yet I had to squint to recognize the traffic demarcation. Fortunately, no one was seriously hurt.  But I couldn't help but think about the passenger in the taxi, who came out of the car flexing his knee, as a result of the impact.  Such a seemingly simple traffic sign is remarkably important when it comes to human safety. 


It also got me thinking about the "rat race" of life.  Why WAS everyone in such a hurry?  There seems to be a sense of urgency in Georgetown which kind of makes me panic.  Conductors are constantly ushering people into their mini buses, people want food fast, drinks faster and when I don't pay my grocery bill in under 30 seconds, I feel people behind me start to get anxious.  It's an interesting juxtaposition in a place where meetings starting at least a half an hour late, and food and clothing donation requests taking a month to come to fruition, because of all the red tape.



Showing off the snowflakes!



Tina and I stayed long enough to make sure everyone was okay, exchange a few words with the taxi passenger and driver from the other car, then proceeded on to our equality walk.  After the walk, we made our way over to one of our favorite Georgetown coffee shops, Oasis, and met up with another PCV.  My computer officially bit the dust, and ironically, he is selling his!!  So we set up a time to give me crash course in the awesomeness of an Apple product.  Wow.  Moving on up in this technology world!  I'm excited to learn about the graphic design software and trying my hand at some designing.

But this is how small Georgetown is and how it is beginning to remind me more and more of Norman, every day:  as Tina emerged from the washroom, she divulged that the man who was just in the car accident was having coffee on the other side of the wall, with the owner of Oasis.  When it was my turn to use the washroom, I too ran into him, and we struck up a conversation about the accident, the walk, and our respective work in the country (mine as a PCV and his as a cancer researching doctor and documentarian in Guyana).  Finally, we exchanged information and continued about our own business.  Just a day later, I received an email from him reflecting upon an unfortunate event, like an accident, and a silver lining of meeting motivated and passionate people like me and Tina.



Onions and a giant Nativity scene.

When we go about our days, we strive to be as productive as possible.  There are times when it is important to have a sense of urgency, when it comes to meeting deadlines and when it comes to health and safety.  But we must also step back and recognize when the line crosses from urgency to impatience.  When we get impatient, our bodies react in certain ways to cope with the stress it finds itself in.  There are actual physiological effects of being stressed and impatient.  Our bodies release stress hormones, such as adrenaline and cortisol, and that stimulates blood platelets.  As a result, our blood pressure actually raises.  High blood pressure puts stress on your heart and could possibly increase the chance for a heart attack, down the road.

During this holiday time, and really, every single day, take a minute to ask yourself if you really need to be worried about what it is that you're stressing about.  If it is something like not getting a bottle of wine open fast enough, then you probably don't need to be anxious about it.  If it something like someone is not moving fast enough in a line at the grocery store, or especially, in traffic, then you don't need to be anxious about it.  Everyone has to be some place and eventually, they will arrive. 

Bottom line is that it is better to arrive late and safe, than not at all.

It's Christmastime up in here!

I have about a week and a half left as a Peace Corps Response Volunteer, in Guyana.  I'm looking forward to continuing building relationships here, and also looking forward to returning to the ones back home.  Our family will actually all be in Dallas and that's a rare occasion.  I am thinking positively about finding something fulfilling and continuing to contribute to society, as this chapter comes to a close and another one begins.  The analogy of life as a book never gets old, perhaps because I enjoy writing so much. 

The other day,  a new friend asked me how it is that I've done so much in such short of time.  I suppose it is true that I have.  But I wouldn't want it in any other way.  We have to write our own books of life.  We have to make the most of the opportunities in which we engage, and maybe even more importantly, recoginze the opportunities.  If you know you are hungary, you are more likely to pick an apple off the tree you pass, instead of just walking by.  If you know you want to turn your book into a movie, you will recognize when the conditions are right and work towards making it happen.

(Wo)Man I Fest 2012

Have you ever tried thinking about something so much, with the aim that it will come true?  Or maybe you take the time to write down the things you hope to accomplish during the day, week, month or year; a similar idea.  At the very least, we speak about our plans, thoughts and desires to our friends and family nearly every day.  This is helpful and necessary when it comes to working towards achievements and goals.  It helps us remain accountable to ourselves, by means of verbalizing it with others.  The concept of manifesting your reality is not new.  But does it really work?  Can you really THINK something into REALITY??

We North Americans are all familiar with Manifest Destiny, the19th Century general notion and widely held belief that the United States was destined to expand across the continent.  It never became a policy, possibly because of the association of slavery, along with the expansion.  However, we remember it today as a legacy of an American mission to spread democracy around the entire world.

The idea of manifestation is more about making a point to recognize the wants and desires when they are right in front of you.  If you can't pin point exactly what it is that you are after, how will you recognize it?  How will you know what it is that you want if you don't take time to think about it, write about it or talk about it?

Two days ago, I was walking home after work.  I knew that I had a friend coming into town and that I should have picked up toilet paper at the grocery store, but I completely forgot to pick some up.  I was kind of kicking myself, and thought that I'd have to make an extra trip to the store.  Of course, that's no big deal.  Nothing to complain about.  BUT, it was on my way home from work that I stumbled upon a roadside stand selling nothing BUT toilet paper.  Roadside stands are not only popular in Georgetown and all over Guyana, but in developing countries all across the world.  I have seen everything from seasonal fruit and vegetables, to sweet homemade treats, bean sandwiches, sunglasses, fake beards, birds and rabbits, plastic toys, and, as of two days ago, toilet paper.  I started to walk by the toilet paper stand, un-phased, which was precisely when I remembered I needed it.  So I turned around and manifested my own need for the provision, they way I've come to learn...by means of negotiation.  

Now for my next manifestation trick...landing the job at the Multicultural Community Center at UC Berkeley I applied for a couple of weeks ago... I'm putting all of my feelers out.  In addition to the Center being student run and operated (besides the Director and Assistant Director-the job to which I applied), the Center appears to combine my love for cross cultural expression, event planning and promotion, advocacy for underserved populations, academia, and nice weather, ha.  Not to mention UC Berkeley has a PhD program in Ethnic Studies that I'm drooling over.  If anyone knows anyone associated with the Center or any of the departments associated with the Center, please please please put in a good word for me. Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*************************************************************************

Kaiesh, my ChildLinK counterpart, and US Ambassador, Mr. Brent Hardt

After orchestrating around the clock for the past two months, to prepare for the Women's Enterprise Exposition (WEnEx), an event which aims to allow for networking and promotion of women's businesses and support groups and women's business support, our task force team did an excellent job in carrying it out and promoting the United Nations Millennium Development Goal #3: Promoting gender equality and empowering women.

Peace Corps Booth

On Monday, November 26ths, more than 30 registered booths, comprising of women owned businesses, youth development and women's support groups, and government entities, came together, under one roof to showcase their products and services, as well as network and share information and provide insight to the purpose of their existence  Among some of them were ChildLinK, Pandama Center for the Creative Arts, Guyana Business Coalition on HIV/AIDS, Women's Entrenurarship Network, the US Peace Corps and US Embassy, the Guyana Ministry of Health and many more.

GCCI President Mr. Urling, Kendra, Tina, myself and past GCCI President Mr. Ramnauth

We enjoyed opening remarks from WEnEx Director and PCV and WENET Coordinator, Tina Camara and Kendra Borutski, the Georgetown Chamber of Commerce President, Mr. Clinton Urling,  US Ambassador to Guyana, Mr. Brent Hardt, and Canadian High Commissioner, Mr. David Davine.

A 20 minute video short documentary directed by Peace Corps Volunteer, Matt Cusimano, and produced by yours truly, along with Tina and Kendra, also debuted, in addition to our panel discussion comprised of Dr. Faith Harding, Valerie Lowe, Dr. Paloma Mohamad, and Vanda Radzik. Minister of Human Services and Social Security, Jennifer Webster, served as keynote speaker for the evening.

Here is some of the press we received!!

*******************************************************************************

I often feel so fortunate and so lucky to have so many of the experiences that seem to find their ways into my life.  Whether or not it is something that I seek out and try to manifest, I take the opportunity to learn and reflect on the experiences.  Each and every person we meet has an impact or influence on us, whether we recognize it right away, or it years later.

Hurakabra Resort on the Essiquibo River

Most days I feel like my time here in Guyana has been all but too short.  I continue to meet remarkable and kind and generous people on a daily basis.  I continue to develop existing friendships, creating more substantial relationships with hopes of maintaining them long after we part ways, whenever that may be.  

World AIDS Day walk at 6am on a Sunday :)

No shave November=Movember

Kendra and Tina with the opening remarks

I continue to gain insight on the development of a country which was colonized approximately three different times, claims six nationalities, and at least three religions, and remains historically peaceful.  I feel Guyana could be on the brink of a major change; a sort of "paradigm shift", if you will.  I hope that I am right.  I hope that in 5 years, I look back on my time here and see a country whose postal system doesn't make mothers with crying children, business professionals and health care workers wait an hour and a half to pick up their packages.  I hope that the ministries listen to other key players in the business sectors and work towards a bottom up (instead of top down) approach to topics like education curriculum re-structuring, allocating the vast monies incorporated in the richness of land/mining resources towards infrastructure development, and utilizing tourism and promotion of resorts and lodges as a way to incorporate non-profit organizations through sponsorship.  I hope I look back and find the utilization of mentorships among educated and passionate secondary students, towards underprivileged youth around Georgetown and Guyana as a whole.  I hope that women's voices are heard more and taken seriously and that fewer reports of domestic violence ending in dismemberment of the victim appear on the front page of the daily news.  I feel like I've invested more of myself to a country whose existence I only vaguely knew of, in the past three and a half months, than I have to the country I've lived in for 27 years.  

Dancing Santa and our WEnEx poster

It's easy for me to become quickly invested in things and people and places about whom I am passionate.  It is even easier when there is a team with whom you're working, who are just as passionate.  We are fortunate to be on this world together.  We will not be on it forever, though, which is why we must make the most of our time here.  We must think positively, act kindly, follow through with our words, find something to be passionate about, and follow through on that, too.  

And if, at the end of the day, there is something out of life that you really desire, find a way to make it happen.  Manifest your own destiny... Just make sure it is for the best of humanity, and yourself, and not at the expense of others.