It's all really just beginning to hit me. Where was I two weeks ago? Not where I am today, which is what actually matters. Who the hell knows where I'll be two weeks from now, but I hope to my late grandmother's pillow that it involves something with an income. I'm not sure I quite remember the last time I felt this particular since of loss, as a result from an enormous life transformation. I suppose it was when I completed my Peace Corps service and began the transition back to an American lifestyle, in America. At least there was an attempt to direction and guidance. And, I didn't have a mortgage to pay... (Obviously, I made the move into The American's dream just fine). Now, here I am, over two years later, rowing in a similar boat, against the current. And it has barely rained at all this summer.
If someone told me they were leaving a job that they really cared about and extremely enjoyed, it would be hard for me to understand why. Obviously, there are the right reasons, but it's difficult to see that when you're caught up in the tangled web. Suddenly, there are new urgency's to make sense of. If you weren't already in survival mode, you best get your ass into high gear and make every single day count. Fortunately, during this round in the ring, I've got a familiar crowd providing advice and cheer leading from the sidelines.
I am going to miss so many amazing things and moments about the job I've known for the past two years. There are a handful of things and moments that I am absolutely relieved to be letting go. It's crazy to write, but I've never really had to actively search for a "job" before. I don't envy others in my position, but still, I am grateful for the opportunity for discovering what's behind another door. I've fallen in love with Norman for a third time, and I know it's got something to do with this current transition. I am a strong believer in things working themselves out, as long as you're actively participating in your own life.
Right now, I'm excited about the opportunities to consciously dedicate time to creating things like visual art, written language, and sustained relationships in the community. As I age one more year, and celebrate this particular day on Tuesday, I am grateful for all that I've experienced and all whom I've met over my lifetime, because it/they is/are what has helped shape who I am at this present moment. I look forward to being able to continue to positively contribute to this Earth, which we all share, for the remainder of it.
Okay, now it's time to dedicate it to a full moon bike ride. :)
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