Procrastination Post

I should be wrapping things up neatly, like a present under the Evergreen Christmas tree, which I've come to see, everywhere I turn, from Church's Chicken, to the neighbor's front porch, to the Peace Corps Office.  My friend, Matt, pondered aloud why Palms weren't decorated instead and I thought to myself that he had a good point.  I have yet to see an Evergreen growing in the trenches.

The trees are as ornate as the businessmen and women who work in Georgetown, and as my days dwindle down to the very end, my to-do list grows infinitely.

When I reflect on my four short months here, in Guyana, I wonder why it snuck up on me so quickly.  I feel sad to be leaving.  I feel like this chapter was too short and it needs some editing, to be longer.  I feel like I wonder what it's like to be told you have a terminal illness and you only have four months to live.  Looking back, feel like I would have made a good patient.  I did a lot of things, contributing to Guyana in many many ways.  I grew a lot as a person.  I made a lot of new friends.  Friends to whom I will give my things away, because I am leaving them and going to another place, far far away.  We both will feel as since of loss and we will both grieve in our own ways.

There are times in our life when we feel like we're back in summer camp.  Peace Corps often feels that way.  You make strong bonds with people you may or may not ever see again, not just in the Peace Corps, but in the country in which you've served.  This time around, though, it reminds me of a combination of Lord of the Flies and Dead Poet's Society.  Even though we are out of our elements, we still manage to make serious and meaningful contributions to the Guyanese society, and make an impact on those whose paths we cross.

When we travel, we not only learn more about the world around us, but we also learn more about ourselves.  We learn more about our friends and family, too.  We learn more about the people with whom we became friends with who remained at home and we learn more about the people who we become friends with, who will remain when we once again, return to those friends whom we've left behind.  Moving to a completely new and unfamiliar place, and integrating into a new community is one of the hardest things for people to do.  But to me, saying goodbye is even harder.

For some reason, this time around, it feels even harder.  I'm not sure if it is because I don't know what lies around the next corner (or in the next chapter), or if it is because I have this gut feeling my work here isn't quite finished.  Whatever the reason is, I am trying to remain positive.  If it were not for all of my friends and family I left behind, who are happily awaiting my return, I know I would be feeling even more sad about leaving.  I am grateful for all the people in my life who have kept in touch, throughout all my traveling.  It gives the hard times a softer landing.  I feel like I have been spoiled here.  There are some people (you know who you are) who have just truly and absolutely gone above and beyond to contribute to my happiness as a PCV in Guyana.  I am so honored and grateful to you all and you are the people who are making it the hardest to say goodbye.  But perhaps it's only so-long-for-now.  At any rate, thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

For now, though, I'll look forward to connecting with friends and family from back home, and enjoying the holidays and maybe even the cold weather.  We shall see about the last one...

Here's to wishing everyone health and happiness, wherever they are in the whole wide world.