Coming to terms, by coming of age

We can only hope to become wiser, as we age, and not the other way around. :) I've only been 29 years old for 3 days, but I've already learned incredibly valuables lesson and come to terms with a couple of things in this new year.

As my previous post divulged, relationships with people whom I care deeply about are a high priority in this lifetime. When I was in Morocco, I realized I wanted to let those people know, more and more often. I made a point to visit my mother's mom, Nana, and call Grandma and Grandpa before leaving Dallas to come back to Norman. Then I called to check up on both of them about a week and a half ago, or so. This week, I made a note in my planner to check in again, on Monday, the day before my birthday. Later, the thought came to mind that they'd be phoning ME the next day, so decided to hold of. I received a birthday card from Nana that day, so in a way she had spoken to me. Inside was a note so beautiful that I immediately felt compelled to respond and write back. The strange thing was that she didn't include her habitual self addressed reply card. Fortunately, I had some stocked up from previous letters, so used one of those. As I was writing the date, the 16th, it also occurred to me that my father's mother had passed away 13 years ago, only 3 days after my 16th birthday. She had been sick for a while and it was nearing her time. I compared the two mothers, chillingly, for a split second, then replied to her note, sealed and stamped it and immediately placed it on the mail clip.

The next day, the first phone call I received was from my father, wishing me a happy birthday. I was having one of the happiest birthdays I could recall probably ever. I was on my way to my favorite state park, Beavers Bend, in south eastern Oklahoma, with my dog in the back seat and my new roommate in the front. Besides the fact that I couldn't remember the last time I'd gone camping, Beavers Bend evokes incredibly wonderful memories from different stages of my life. A long-time Gilman family tradition, the first time I appeared on the Beavers Bend scene was in my mother's womb. Our family has been returning pretty much annually, since then, and I have come to known parts of the beauty and glory of the park like the back of my hand. Each year brought new memories and stories to tell, as new creases appeared on my aging hand. And, like new lines that have yet to appear, there will always be more territory to explore.

The conversation eventually led to the announcement of Nana ending up in the hospital. I immediately thought of the prior day and wondered, but didn't read into the announcement too skeptically. The entire day was spent surrounded by so much beauty, in so many ways, and as a single crane flew from over my shoulder, into the clouds at the top of my favorite trail, I came to terms with the potential outcome that suddenly felt imminent.

The very next day, my inspiring, thoughtful and kind Nana passed away. A complete and utter shock and surprise, the previous days' circumstances are something that I have continued to replay in my head over and over again.

The lessons I speak of are short and sweet, albeit tough pills to swallow right now. I will trust my internal feelings, not only when it comes to telling people what's on my mind, before the moment passes, but to listen closely to my heart in general, so my favorite book becomes the one in which I star.

I have also come to terms with the fact that, no matter how many positive souls surround my own, there will always be a handful of ghastly ghouls that do not deserve my time or energy. I continue to see the moon half full, and can only hope to emit an eighth of that light to the beloved characters that help fill my pages.

Nana is my inspiration for slowing down, trusting internal feelings and above all, communicating with letters and staying in touch, the old fashioned way. Nana, cheers to your love, and to your life! ♥ May you live on through your written words...